I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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