GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
