Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
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I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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