No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
