On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
