he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
