I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
