I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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