i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
