So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
