Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
