I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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