dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
