if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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