i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
