sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
