New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
