The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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