She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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