my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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