So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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