I must be too annoying 4 u.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
