every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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