Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
