So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
