Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
The best revenge is premature balding
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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