it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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