if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
