I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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