my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
