we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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