I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
