How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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