Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
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