And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
