I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
bring money and cleavage
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
