She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
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For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
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Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
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