Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
