i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
