I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize