i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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