This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
