He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
