I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
