Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
