She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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