How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I am available for nakedness
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
