I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i think my tv is drunk
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
If I die, sorry about rent.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize