can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
