Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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