Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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