I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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