He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
