I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
