Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
