someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Randomize
