i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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