As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
