am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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