So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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