it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
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