Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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