Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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