I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Randomize
