forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
